Captivating Retreat - Day 1 (some of it)

I've long denied the princess in me. I don't like the color pink and to think I needed a man was just a "weakness" I wasn't going to accept. To me, a princess, was a girl (not a woman) who was helpless, insecure, unable, useless, and just made a man work harder than needed.

I've realized that my princess perception is WRONG! So very, very wrong and my mindset was one of the many things causing dead space God and I.

If we're accepting the truth that we are God's beloved daughters then we have to accept that we are a princess...He is the King! What else would we be? I am a princess and that princess is built in us when God knits us all together. I see it in Baby Girl.

She saw the Disney princesses for the first time when she a little over two-years-old and you would think she found her long lost friend. It was as if this whole new part of her came alive that was lying dormant until the right secret code came along. That secret code came in a giant, twirling dress. Ever since then it's been princess dresses, fluffy skirts, princess stories, curtsy-s, dancing, singing - and I am truly delighting in her. She even calls Pastor Husband "My King" when he comes home or when Baby Dos Dragon is invading her castle.

I pray the princess in her grows with each passing day and that mine will begin to breathe again.

Back to what God's princess should be - Romanced, Irreplaceable, and Beautiful. This goes along with a woman's (not a man's at all) core desires:

• to be romanced
• to play an irreplaceable role
• to unveil beauty

Our core desire is not to just be useful! I think I fall into this role a lot. I figure if I'm volunteering at church, getting all my chores done, doing activity after activity with the kids then I must be living out my purpose. So wrong! Useful has nothing to do with your heart. The core desires have everything to do with our hearts. Everything. 

Back in the day, on any given Tuesday, to be useful was all I knew. I showed I was useful by working as hard as possible in school and at work. I was going to be known for how hard I work and that I was dependable and that nothing shook me. Obviously, being this way did not fulfill any of my desires (I wasn't aware that they were my desires) because I was more than irreplaceable - students come and go, employees come and go - there is nothing romantic or beautiful about an "A" or a promotion.

So, how do I figure out the desires or allow those desires to come alive?

Well, God is pursing us with intensity, passion, and mercy. Jesus has the power to awaken those desires. There is still hope to have all the hurt that has smushed, battered, locked up our princess and broken our desires into shards. Jesus heals, gives life to the full, and He has overcome the world, which has only given us perverted definitions of our desires.

Captivating Retreat October 2014

I was so so so lucky to be able to go to The Captivating Retreat in Colorado this past weekend. I've tried for three years - always get through the lottery part, but then it's either finances or nursing issues. Kind of hard to sit through talks when you got a baby crying to eat. This year though...this year was THE year and I was there!

I learned, epiphany-ed, prayed, and loved so much while I was there. Pastor Husband and I have talked many times about the "camp high" and whether this is a good thing or not. Should we dump reality during the high so that we don't think the high is reality? We've decided that camp high is and should be our life. Not to the point where we push away all responsibility and expect four hours a free time, meals made and served by others, and scheduled games, but that what is free to come from our hearts during camp should be what is always coming from our hearts away from camp. I definitely had the camp high during this weekend and I will pray every day for that freedom.

I want to share all that I took in for a couple of reasons:

1) Whenever you read a good book, watch a great movie, eat an amazing meal you want to share...well, the retreat was all that and more! It was that feeling I get after reading a really good book - I feel like I just ate the best Thanksgiving meal ever! I must share and my heart will not let me do anything else, but share.

2) It's the best way for me to stay with what I learned. I did the same in college. I wrote out all my notes and then typed them. Tedious, but then I had many offer to pay for those typed notes. I did the loving thing and said "No" :)

So, that's what I'll be doing for the next couple (few, four, several) posts. I'll try to write them out so they make sense, but it might just be a lot of one sentence gifts of wisdom. I'll also share the actual prayers/thoughts that I wrote out. This is me being completely vulnerable to the point where I want to hide under my desk, but it's one of the first steps to I need to take to "unveil beauty" (oh, don't worry, there's a lot of stuff under this session).

I'll begin sharing my notes in my next post and for now I'll share my pictures. Mostly outdoor, tree, nature, and even snow! pictures, but then that's what is fascinating especially when you live where there are no trees, only cactus.