School is In

I thought pregnancy, birthing, and baby rearing was a whole world that I had no understanding of, but adoption!

Oh-me-oh-my!

Pastor Husband and I had our first class today. We actually can do them in any order so we completed Module 2 and will do Module 1 and 3-6 in November, if all goes according to plan. That was the first conflict in my mind - going to the classes out of order. I'm a very Type A personality and there is just a certain organized, specific order to life and I feel very put out when things go out of order or there is a sudden change in plans. If I've planned for this, this, and this and then that, that, and that happens...oh goodness! We all better pray for patience. This is why afternoon nap is never missed and I don't care if sleep actually happens, but my kiddos are in their room for quiet time for at least an hour. Mom needs her hour.

Anyway, the other conflict, which has been there and has now amplified due to the class is the conflict with the birth parent(s). Now, open adoption is not a must. The choice is ours was reiterated, but the goal (also reiterated) is reunification.

My mission is to provide a permanent home to a child - baby specifically - who is not being cared for as God's child.

How do I get my heart to understand that I'm to love a baby fully and love their birth parent(s) fully?

How do I pray to adopt a baby and pray for their birth parent(s) to make the changes they need to make so they can be reunited with their baby?

Sitting here, thinking about all of this, I feel queasy. I think of my own children and how devastating it would be to not have them anymore and to think there was someone out there who had them and wanted to keep them from me. Is that what these birth parents feel?

There was a couple there who had fostered 11 babies in three years! Eleven in three years! I told them they were so incredibly strong. I think I would shatter to pieces if it happened once, but they said you cannot think "this baby is mine" or "this is the one that will stay" because you just never know until it's completely finalized.

It's all in God's hands. My prayers start now for letting go of control, for peace for any surprises coming our way, and to love babies/birth parents the without restriction.