In twelve days Baby Girl is turning one and you know what this means? Our nursing days are over! For now anyway...until the next one comes around. At least, the days will be done with long enough for me to enjoy my wardrobe again.
I know, I may sound like a horrible mother right now, but that whole "I love to nurse" never happened with me. It was actually kind of traumatizing in the beginning. It got better around month four. When Baby Girl was around a month old we did bottles for about a 24-hour period. Then the lactation nurse from Kaiser introduced the shield, which saved my life and Baby Girl's life. There was just no way that I was going to be able to continue nursing her without it.
I'm not sure why it took so long for us to work the whole process out. Sometimes I think it was just because her mouth was so little, but the nurses never said anything about her size. Either way, there was a lot of tears from the both of us. Oh, and the guilt! Goodness! She wasn't gaining weight very well or as fast as she should have been and I heard so many times "try it without the shield", "pump more", "just let her keep eating until she lets go herself". I felt like I was failing our baby. My life-long best friend and I both agree that there is some kind of postpartum depression that comes with nursing.
Like I said, it did get better and all of a sudden she was eating, I wasn't bleeding, and it's been going well ever since. When she was teething it was kind of painful for her to eat and there was a lot of fussing. Overall though, it was, I think, as nursing should be. I do prefer it to formula because I know it's the best thing for her, it makes me stop the busyness of life and just be with her, and it is our little time where I have the excuse to close the door and be away from all who may be in our home (I'm an introvert!). It's not the most terrible thing in the world, but we're weaning now and it is kind of nice to be able to take her out and not have to worry where I'm going to feed her - though, let me tell you, Southcoast Plaza has a beautiful family restroom with really nice nursing rooms. I can wear things that don't have easy access. I don't have to worry about her sweating to death underneath her nursing cover.
I feel less stressed. And, I know, I probably shouldn't feel stress when it comes to nursing, but I do at times. I don't know, maybe I sound horrible and cold, but it's true. I am so looking forward to the end of nursing and the onslaught of sippy cups!
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